patungo sa bukas...

wow... what I title... pure tagalog... Well If your wondering what the faring sake does this title mean... it the title of our batch song which we will be singing on our "farewell ceremonies a.k.a PAALAM". After they handed in copies to evryone I started thinking of this concept...

well if you look at the connection of Tagalog and Batch E...

well most batches would choose an OPM song but ours is a whole new leve... we composed our own song.. but lets question why Tagalog... well theres so much in common...

*almost most of us in prefers Filipino as our dialect...
*Tagalog has a multiple means... such as the batch very opinionated and very vague...(plastikan and backstaban)
*if its one thing that Tagalog has its deep...the deep tribal tagalog and that inline says that we are super bonded... that our roots as friends are so buried down the ground from so many years of bonding and growing as people and as batchmates that no matter how much we destroy each other we still get together, have some laughs, drop our differences just for the greater good of our batch... as cory aquino said and I quote "supreme sacrifice" thats what we do.. and do you know what we arent just "barkada, batchmates, of cheatmates" we are family... we go to the extremes to help our kind and thats what filipino is... its deep and has a special place in our hearts and heads... just like batch E, our teachers and the school...

well another day and another input... everythign you might have read might seem too far fetched but you arent required to like it... but you are required to consider it!!!

-end-

recovering...

after talking to a dear friend of mine last night for more than a couple of hours(na-DC kasi ako 2)she tried to help me get over this whole thing and you know what I actually feel better... I mean after discussing matters with others (nothing to do with what happend to me... its about family stuff) my old self is back... Im up here their down there... the act dome to me was an act of a person with no scruples. but anyway... whatever, so today I woke up and I felt it was going to be a great day, and indeed It was...

I spent my whole day with my big bro... going around makati(mandarin, etc...) and the fort "again" but yeah... then after we went to Banawe... he got some accessories for our equipment and had some electricals done in his car... it was fun going back to banawe after a long long long time... I met a lot of my brothers contacts there whether mechanic, alalay, store/shop owner or even the regulars there... I got to see a lot of my bros friends sooped up cars... and G damn... there of the hook...

it was great... I had a fun time... I still cant forget about it but I also can forget my weekend... spending time with my cousins and my big bro...

another day...

so 24hours after the incident... and I stil feel bad... but before I would tackle that lets back track my day...
So I went to my aunts house for our reunion... and I spend most of my day there... It was fun hanging out with my cousins...(not those ones... another set... my age bracket pero same side) anyway... we played DOOM3 the whole afternoon and after finishing it we started playing with our cars... I took the white car and Gelo(my cuz) too their silver and paul(my cuz) took their red... wala we had a very fun time playing music out of our cars... rearranging there positions... wla lang... but at the my mind was thats incident parin... I still had problems forgetting about it.. and for those who dont understand why (receiving something like that from a girl means a lot about something... na wala kang kwenta... and what makes it even more painful was I didnt even do anything wrong... I was innocent but was already being exiled...) soo after we left my aunts place we went to The Fort... went to MarketMarket and Mc home Depot... wala lang... after that we went home na.. still couldnt get things out of my head I looked for other means of trying to get my attention out of my problem... So I go OL... and it still kept coming back... I coulnd take it... good thing one of my friends had time and asked me what was wrong... sooo technically I had a 2-3 hours sit down chat talking about it... I was a wrekc and still am but after talking to HER... yes shes a girl that why I felt even better... I kinda regained self-esteem... but still ther are other repercushions that I cant avoid from happening, like Reputaion and trust, but the thing is as my friend told me I just have to live life like that, cause you cant always get your way... you can never please everybody... but still I have to contiue... I still need help... I want to end this issue... but there are so many parties that dont want me too... ohh well...

super realization

to be continud...

tried something "today-is"

I was going blog hoppng and I ended up landing in one of my friends blogs... and off all things I saw a chart and took it... I have doubts with some but I agree with some... just comment on it if there are any violent reactions... (surely there will be)

You Are 80% Boyish and 20% Girlish

You have a tough exterior - and usually a tough interior to match it. You're no nonsense, logical, and very assertive. Sometimes you can't understand women at all, even if you're a woman yourself. You see things rationally, and don't like to let your emotions get the best of you.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 50% Stability 56% Orderliness 66% Accommodation 43% Interdependence 50% Intellectual 56% Mystical 50% Artistic 50% Religious 50% Hedonism 16% Materialism 56% Narcissism 76% Adventurousness 63% Work ethic 76% Self absorbed 43% Conflict seeking 63% Need to dominate 90% Romantic 36% Avoidant 50% Anti-authority 56% Wealth 83% Dependency 36% Change averse 43% Cautiousness 63% Individuality 63% Sexuality 63% Peter pan complex 56% Physical security 83% Physical Fitness 30% Histrionic 50% Paranoia 63% Vanity 63% Hypersensitivity 30% Female cliche 16%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

why are other people always right!!!

I dont know, I was thinking of recent events and what happend lately and kinda came into my senses... "damn other people were right!!!" I just kept side swiping the issue all the time but it always seems to come back...
people(i.e. friends, family and even [qualified as both evil and good] foes) were already telling me "why do you even bother hangout with them it clearly shows you dont fit in..."

I kinda realized it yesterday during lunch time... I was in the new canteen in school around 1:30pm and I was with 3 other friends on the table (gemmo, lawrence and ez) I just sat there and kept quiet because I had no idea what they were talking about... I wasnt listening the whole time but it made my mind wonder and I started thinking while also linking everything together and stuff... and there is was it came to me[boom!!!] "damn I really dont fit in... "I mean I used to call Carlo, Lawrence and LA (former buddies... I dont have a clue if they still like me... ) "the elite 3" cause when they get together they're so intimidating... then I would hear that we would be called the "elite 4" when we're all together... but looking at what we all have in common... at that same moment I realized that "hey I wasnt the 4th member it was mech mangoes"

Which made me realize that what other people were telling me since time and memorial was true... why!!!??? I cant believe it, I kinda knew it but I never accepted it. That I was no farking body/buddy...

It kinda makes sense I was just there to fill in the gaps until the 4th member came back... and I really feel Im loosing my hold on thing... I'm already in the cliff I might as well just let go of the edge... anywasy whats there to hold on to... I dont want to force to issue anymore... I farking tired of pretending that everything is fine and dandy... well it not!!! this is me fading into the crowd... distancing myself away...

something I realized along the way(game!set!match!checkmate! = lose)

well it’s been a long year but the thing is after all the mish mash and all the quarreling I realized "that isn’t me..."
I mean (for those who know me) I’m not plastic, its like in every group someone has to have something wrong, but the thing is I only made up a few mistakes that you would never see me doing elsewhere... I admit I don’t want to be corrected but I notice no matter how poised you are in your group you always have a mistake(it a normal thing to make mistakes) or there’s something wrong... so I told myself "hey why not I might as well try it anyway its just for added impression yada yada... blah blah blah"

*I admit in being an airhead at times but in a way I used it as my "defense mechanism" I mean I myself know to be a truly blue(fine)red blooded claretian you must master the art of "barahan" and the thing is I haven’t 3years running and I haven’t... in my case its not called/qualified as barahan, its called being an ass... hehehe, well as they say claretians are down to earth and what makes them ticked of are air headed assholes... in a way that’s my own way of getting back at people I cant make "bara"...
*I admit in being annoying to the high heavens but not as assertive, I only do that to create an image to complete the whole "I don’t care about a flying far quad about stuff"...
*I also admit to being a hot head not just because I don’t like being told off about stuff I already know but also because I don’t like being under...(I don’t know a very bad habit I've been trying to purge and I’m getting close to fulfilling it...)
*I also admit that I have the hardest time talking in tagalog... I mean I’m trying very hard but please don’t laugh cause I don’t even know what I’m saying, if im using the right term of the right preposition or the right "morpoponemiko" see... hahaha Im learning...that’s all I ask, it kills me to see that others cut me down when I speak in tagalog, that’s why I rather not talk...
*finally I also admit in being kind, I guess all my life I knew or rather I already know that Im a good person but I just refuse to, I just got caught up in the game wherein I was trying not to be like (southern people... you know what that means) that I was turning into one also because I got used to running things back at grade school that I came to realize that you have to be mean to get things, I just kept feeding my mind that "im the son/ spawn of the dark side" it was eating me up that I was soo far out of the shore that it was to late to eat my own words, doing it wont do anything... my parents used to tell me "why are you so timid", "why are you so shy around people?" cause that’s who I used to be...

----> If you’re shocked or angry that’s fine with me.. normal reaction, I've deceived you... and Im sorry for that...

on the other hand my trying to be a different person by adding different sides of me turned out for the worse. Kinda makes the statement "don’t start something you can’t finish" true huh!!!
well there are soo much stuff I would never admit that be ever related to me...
* Paranoia, I'm not a paranoid person... I made it a joke to one of my friends and in turn he kinda analyzed na "OMG, paranoid ka palang tao" well 100% not true
*mono-minded person. As I explained previously I have created a sort of appearance that "I don’t care" but the thing is "I do"... I don’t know I just don’t want to show it cause you know "my ego" wont forgive me... its not as if im super manhid and I don’t give a fark but I do... I just move in my own little ways so it’s not obvious that I actually did something good... as I said part of the "I don’t give a fark, I soo evil persona I created" hehe

all in all Im so so so so sorry for giving you guys(my best bud’s in the whole wide world) a hard time in trying to understand... but I guess in a way you also had time to practice your "shrink" skills on me... try to understand!!! I dint do all of this just for fun it was no premeditated... it just kinda evolved along the way and I just got caught in a big rut...

so if you’re wondering who am I... who is the person I spent most of my time with... I was still partly original... all our fun adventures that was the real me, but all the annoying conversations during our "lunch bunch periods" in the canteen that isn’t me... hehe just recall all the time I said something super overboard in purpose... that wasn’t me... cause I also have the tendency to say something foul w/o realizing after na "ohh shit... mali" hehehe... well
hope you don’t want to stone me to death after reading this... I hope you dint have a hard time trying to analyze what this means(agony in the garden)...

if you sum it all up who am I? = I am a person who just wants to be normal, who wants to fit in. but in trying so damn hard it just bounces back right at me... all my life I was trained to strive for perfection (meaning excellence) but not trying to be a boastful about it...I hate to admit it but… I guess I failed!!! In a way the reason why I blog is to tell people things I can't say personally, cause I feel that I can't accept that I actually made a mistake or that I was wrong...

now this whole thing is not plastic... for those who I really pissed off... Im really sorry... especially for you!!!for reading this... if you dont know me sorry dude.dudette for wasting your time... If you do know me sorry for being a pain in the ass!!! REALLY!!! (this is me swallowing up my pride...admitting = once in a life time confession!!!)

one eccezzionale day...

Some people have their weekend planned ahead of time. Some just preffer to just play thing by air. My day was one of those on the spot choice making. It started off when I woke up at 6am and decided to go to LaSalle and join the DLSU freshers cup. So I coordinated with two of my best budds (too bad my buddy couldnt make) it in the world and met up at taft. I had many firsts that day. I took my first LRT1 ride, it was my first farthest commute going to a place...

one bad trip!!!

OMG... nothing was going my way at all it was a disaster leading to another which led into a domino effect throughout the day...

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I dont know this day was a very passive day for me. I was wondering what would it be like not using my brain the whole day and I tell you its kinda hard to do things with out it, even napping was hard to do. Not just I wanted to try out being AWOL (brain department) I wanted to hang out with other people. I did and it was different, I guess I'm just to used to my everyday buddies to notice these things. But even though I wasnt try to use my brainI couldnt help myself but think of "quantum ideas". You see I was soo bothered by what my bro said as an insult. I dont know whether to apply it to other ideas or stuff. The thing is if my "buddies" know this do they hangout with me for self pitty??? I mean just this dismissal one of my buddies said " ano ba ang lakas ng boses mo" and I said "so what??? dont cant hear me anyway" and he replied "di kaya, eh sumisigaw ka pagkatapos magkasama pa tayo"... I mean the the farkity fark does that mean??? that over other people, over "COOLER" people I'm nothing... Sorry na but I mean I dont look like a white squatter!!! or COOL na jologs!!!

I mean you see I dont know why imression is so farking important, well I see it to a certain extent but I dont know why. I mean why are we all looking for that certain feeling you get when people see you as a good or COOL person... well Fark that!!!

paranormal world

I dont know... Im shocked in how my day revolved today.
I really feel like I entered a paranormal dimension.
It started off when I woke up due a phone call quite early in the morning. (hehe wag kang magalit who ever you are...)
then I get to school and finally feeling better as if I never got sick but of course still I still had my colds...
sooo after that I went to computer the lab and played DOTA with fellow classmates (it was our computer class)
after which I met up with my 2 other (best??? hehehe)friends cause Lawrence is already in my class. so anyway after recess Lawrence (being my seatmeat...) started this whole conversation about alabang, and I being a mix race monggol trapped in the middle I ended up siding with the south. Then after that the conversation turned into this supper shallow analytic battle of "who will get pissed off first" (hehe technically I didnt even care...) but what made my day even worse is that after english class(my favorite subject next to math...seriously...hehe...) all seniors had to go down to the AVR to practice its not songs its "A SONG" for tomorrows first friday mass. the odd twist is that the ones heading it (i.e. CLE dept) allowed the use of musical instruments!!! but not just any ordinary musical instrument but for the first time, ROCK instruments (i.e. electrical guitar, bass guitar and drum set) ahhhh OMG. the thing is it took is forever to master the song, not even master but to sing it lang. sing it in harmony...

my day today in school was sooo farked up. I ended up siding for the south side even though how deep doen I hate you know who... I was irritating almost everyone I had contact with today and I witnessed woodstruck all over again ( woodstruck in the sense that a rock concert benefit in the name of being Holy with god) Another thing is that I lost innitiative. I was getting angry already at everyone when nobody was singing and the thing is teacher who were there tolerated it... I wanted to grab the mic and get angry but some how I couldnt get out of my chair...
all in all my day was very very very wierd... haha its soo farked up!!!

some said I was extra annoying today. If your one of the victims of my unzipable mouth I'm sorry but may be its true??? (you see even in my blog I'm tactless) hehehe!!! :-)

post IDeA syndrome

I dont know but I always get something more out of every IDeA its either new friends, new enemies or I get sick....