candle in the wind

today was a very sluggish day for me...
I was getting the post IDeA syndrome...
everything was going well I was still remembering my day yesterday, IDeA 3rd will have a special place in my heart

So today my dad made me drive the car home (he got of the car at katipunan and left me to drive the car home, while he had to go get the other car parked somewhere in katipunan) for the first time... It felt soo great... cool...
the feeling was sooo great... but as soon as I got home, our house helper told me that my #1 favorite cat died, just this afternoon by natural causes(stroke). So I was tasked to dig a hole and give my "garfield" a proper burial. After I dug the hole located at our backyard my mom blessed him with holywater and we layed him to rest. Its very tragic to lose a pet especiallt if its your first pet cat. I've already experienced so many times losing dogs at rabbits or birds but not cats, I mean I thought that cats are just like any other animal but the wierd thing is even though they are sluggish in nature they have this certain charm that you only get out of cats. Its sad also that I couldnt do anything about it, the vet told us after a week or two from his sickness (he was sick and had to be treated by anti-biotics and needed fluids so they put deztrose) he would be fine already. but in fact he wasnt and in the end due to internal failure of organs and of stroke he died... I wish he would have died w/o pain but in the end he even suffered more...

bye my little friend!!!

to close for comfort

today was IDeA 3rd invites and also so happens to be my Lolo's 1 year death anniversaty...

I feel so bad but I've been good all day!!!

blah vlah vlah

tip of the tongue

why do I feel like I'm soo dumb... I mean why can people be so farking stupid!!!I mean its so farked up when you hear everyone and see everyone around you getting better and you just stuck in a rut!!! I mean you cant take away envy but in my case it aint envy... I cant lose something... something I really love!!!... why does something you love soooo much hurt soooo bad!!!??? damn it!!! I mean why is it I feel that I"ve got my groove back but why cant I win a round!!! not ven one round... is it the partners I get??? or is me... well lets analyze... they have potential(according to others) and I dont.... they have good manner and as of a while ago I had terrible manner... it was soo bad no room for improvement... = me... ok then its me!!! WOW... I must be the biggest fool... why ever try doing it again to just get disappointed... I mean when I stand at that podium I feel sooo powerful the thing is... I'm not stupid too I know whether I gave a good or bad speech!!! the thing is I dont need other people shoving it up my face rubbing the fact that I failed in my face!!! and it really pissed me off.... but what really pissed me off is myself!!! I mean damn dude its right there in the paper why didnt you just take a sec. to look at it better... it was at the tip of my tongue... I dint say it!!! how stupid is that!!! I spend all my efforts to make a great set up and hunt for good arguements just to fumble at the delivery!!! damn it!!! isnt that a trip!!! I soo hate myself!!! why am I soo stupid!!! ohhh yah dabd"A" acceptance = I dont have potential!!! well its time to face the music!!! and why do people around me tend to make me into a fool I mean why am I always tantammount to being the so called "classclown" is it because I make myself to vulnerable... is it because I dont look like a fucking teddy bear!!! shit person after person... damn... whoow all I want to do is overdose in something and just leave myself to die!!! I mean what the fuck is my purpose ba I dont have any use but to be a classclown... I make myself vulnerable ba for people to pick on me??? well shit I dont... as far as I see it thats my inner "sevillian" in me... I dont want others to know that true me cause I guarantee you I migt end up with no friends, only maybe the people I meet who are as intolerable like me... just a little more I mght just do so... I'm hanging on the cliff one more push!!! damn it one more!!! well see!!!

deb deb deb 06

wow super sabog!!! first round of year 2006!!!haha!!! sabog!!! maybe because I was wasted lasnight and banggag!!! hehhe cool!!!