shut- up and listen!!!

why shut-up and listen.. well people dont think I'm worth anything and that they dont take my word for nothing!!! well fine!!!
God Damn it...
why do I feel that I was fooled!!!
Why do I think that all I have been doing was playing mind games!!
Shit!!! because its damn hell right!!!
Why am I saying this!!!
because unlike others years this is uncontrolable!!! Damage control my foot!!!
Fuck I haven't been this confused in my whole life!!!
and why because I want to but my conscience is telling me that "hey buddy!!! wake up to reality you ass!!! yoor being a puppet"
and you know what I hate that!!! I never take orders!!!
now moving on this whole friendship shit!!!
screw that!!! people say its a give and take.. wow some vicious cycle
well you know what!!! you whay do I have this shodow of doubt!!!(OMG Debate again "Shadow of Doubt" screw that)
that means theres something wrong...
but you know what!!! I'm getting angry for nothing!!!
and I decided you know what yoou old enough and mature (I hope)
so I quit... I just dont give a damn!!!
screw the saying "making quitting a backdoor" the thing is the backdoor was made for a reason for emergency cases when things are just too out of hand!!! well... BYE!!!!

days will be cloudy or sunny...

this past few days has been a total blur... doing nothing but hanging with losers... (well nothing different though I hang with losers at school anyway) weird they say birds of the same feather make a good feather duster... I mean why does life suck soo bad when you think it wont... This has been the most BORING!!! christmas ever.. even though I've been going out and doing stuff I mean its not as fun when you spend it with friends...

no limits...

these past few days have been just sweet...
doing nothing... the thing is doing all this nothing is making me think... and the thing is its made me realize... after all that thinking I've formulated my new years resolution... the thing is I wont say it I'll just do it... cause I've realized one thing... and that one thing is

"SCREW THIS" hahaha... letting loose and just playing things by air is just plain fun...
I cant clasify it as "electrical ensaymadas" or "chemical cherries" but the thing is its a backclash of things...

see one thing I've trained my itybitty little brain of mine since childhood is to be aware...I also trained myself to be resonsible (a little secret, my mom trusts me more when it comes to responsibilities rather then my older bro C, hehehe) and thats why maybe I dont "hang" or "wonder of" or "go to dream land"... and I've realized... screw awareness... what has being aware taught me??? NOTHING.. ohh yah just to be a pain in the neck not just to myself but to others... (sigh)
its soo farking irritating how I can even notice rifts or problems even when the fire of the problem is just a small torch...(you nkow what I mean)

what I'm saying is that... Its just soo nice and feels soo super good to be dumb... now I know that felling bums (i mean actual BUMS) feel... the feeling is soo super great.. no liabilities and no responsibilities... whooo...
hehe.. I dunno know... all my life I've been busting my butt to be soo super appealing to people... and damn it was fun for a while but it aint anymore...
why cant I do something and not feel guilty or be told like " ano ba!! para kang walang manners... para ka di educated" I mean sana nalang di na ako nag-aral para I'll just be stupid... wahahha... when youtry to be nice and tolerable using manners people get offended that "they dont like the manner in how you deal things" FARK THAT!!! I mean manners or no manners everything I do isnt enough aint it... better just throw my life away to the dogs...
I mean having no liabilities and no responsibilities is fun...
I dont know people tell you how mature you are and how responsible you are but when you ask for any they dont trust!!! damn it...

Life is so farked up!!!

prince and the pauper

you know the story when the prince was as identically alike(physically) with a pauper and wanted to try the life of poverty... well I feel the same way... I mean screw this being "up" there at an invisible pie chart... see the thing is I dont know... I'm kinda used to it but the thing is why cant people just accept me for who I am not how deep my pocket is( not that I'm saying that I everyone see me this way, but most do) I mean I feel that my presence is only felt by others when I satisfy their needs... you know what I mean... but the thing is I hate it...
I just want to be accepted for who I am not what I've got with me... arrggghh... not just that... I mean why does social status or statchure mean soo super much to filipinos... cant we out grow that crazy belief... geeshh

huh... so super stressful... It just argh...the thing is with all my problems is that I'm soo deep in things that its past the point of no return...I'm used to it na...
(oh yah for those who are closed minded... this is not a family issue, more of an overall issue e.i. friends, schoolmate, etc...) sigh... :-(

nothing important though...

well christams is just 7days away, its still advent...
soo this morning I tried to go to "simbang gabi" at a small church at Industrial valley... and geesh it was full, I had no idea why my parents went there, but maybe because it was to late already to go to the church we usually attend simbang gabi, anyway... from the beginning I knew that this simbang gabi would be different. And indeed it was, my eldset bro called it "a hell hole" you couldnt practically hear mass because it was over populated w/ people... but not just any kind, it was the lower class(not that I'm criticiszing or being racist)... but what others would call the "hoypuloys"...It was ok with me in the beginning but as time elapsed their numbers grew and they were starting to get roudy and noisy... I having less than 3hrs of sleep just went to the car and waited there ( i still heared mass because the carpark is right beside the church and the church is open, so theres still a view.. hehehe)... It was a mess, never in my wildest dreams would I have encountered such Barbarism that people dont even care that their in the house of God... well times have really changed... to bad...
going to simbang gabi used to mean something... now people just do it for fun most just do it to hang around the church... well...

mean girls

I just watched the movie mean girls again but this time it wasnt in the movie house nor our DVD... it was at cable, the thing is there were soo many realizations of the character Lindsay Lohan and that the movie revolved about HS life... and it reminded me why things are just like it is now... the problem with the "E" I mean it tough but what kept the person going, the willingness and the togetherness, the help of friends... as my bg bro said after watching the movie: how surprising it is when you watch an old movie again after you ahve watched it again and again before, makes you feel that you've watched it for the first time... that what makes our group special, no matter what whether you call it "over exposure" or waht have you is because no matter how long or short we've known each other we all get along some how...no matter how many times we've watched and seen each other we still find each other amusing(regerdless of our short commings) I mean as they say If its me thats changed it just like another character said so "I admit I'm mean and move on" i'm not indenial and acting nice when your not, but the thing is I'm not always like that, thats at times, at times when I feel used, at times when I feel that someone only needs me for something I've got that they want, at times when I expert all my effort to support and in the end find that it was for nothing. nothing meaning it wasnt even recognized in the way that the person didnt even noticed I excerted effort...

Wierd how things wrok, I have a friend who loves watching mean girls everynight with his sister at home. and when I found that out I told him that "you know what I've watched that movie a 1000 times also" I can maybe memorize the lines and mybe also memorize the story line but 1 thing I forgot was the true essence of the story... it was about Trust, Friendship and respect... I mean I know I can be a jerk but Its for a reason, sometimes you have to analyze what have you done and what can you do...friendship can't always go your way... as they say it takes 2 to tango... I only get angry when i sense that theres an imbalance... and that if its rationl then its fine but if its just plain barbaric then what the hell, see sometimes we let our animal instinct tak over us and forget to seee the bigger picture...
I just really hope...
I dont wanna lose hope...

left out

Christmas is around the corner and something is missing...
I guess I know... my family..
If its one thing I remeber in my CLE class is that Christmas time is suppossed to be with family... and the thing is aside from my biological family I find the debsoc my family... I mean, I fone needs help I try to help, If the other has issues then lets talk about it, I mean yeh!!!
But the thing is this strategy to speak of is working not only for _____ side but for _____ side...
Its disbanded us... I mean if going on break is neglecting that you have friends whose got your back no matter what, then the hell with going on a break... I mean no matter what PR we do this wont change until a miracle can happen...dude the thing is its not made me want to D more... its disencouraged me to continue but thats not it... I mean the sense of togetherness is lost... and one thing I know its that when the rail breaks the train gets derailed!!! and I believe that all these info's are worhtless. I'm with LV one day and the next I'm with Dani then the next I'm with Reggae and the next I'm with Badboy... I mean gone are the days we would meet, gone are the days wherein we were complete... gone are the days wherein we would be so close that nothing, nobody could ever split us appart!!! I know its a phase but how long... because if it prolongs I might forget how life was perfect before... I mean I've reached the point wherein I just dont care anymore, you hate me or you like me... all I know is I hope you've got mine to...

what a merry christmas its going to be... just that I cant share it with family... and the what I just hate was that the last school day of the year 2005 went down the drain... I mean yes we did talk but were we complete... yes we did play all together (DOTA) but was it as exciting if we were all complete... yeah we have our own thing s now.. its time to move on but the thing is I've made all of you my life... Its going to be like dying to move on... I mean I'm in soo deep that I got stuck!!!

Well I hope you guys enjoy your christmas and your new years!!! see you around!!!

Lequecheh...

plastikan day!!!

well today was the day everyone has benn waiting for... the day claret hsa to act perfect to these acreditors... haha... sound funny right cause claret would be lacks... but wrong, it was hell for us students... see for claret to be able to prepare for the coming of these people it took them time to prepare, time supposed to be spent teaching us was used to prepare... but no biggie there were instructions naman to follow... but the thing is why now, why do they have to change for these people.. why arent we the students worthy enough to have these facilities w/o the arrival of these people... well thats not the point... the point is that wht made it very funny is that how claret made a big impression to these schools, the thing is to bluff it... but sometimes people have a problem doing it, but I have to give it to them they did it.. they pulled it all togehter... the thing is who suffers... the students... 1month for 3rd quarter which is equivalent to 4 weeks thats w/o interuptions.. the thins theres were.. ahhh but in the end its all worth it... ehhehe...
as I learned from a dear friend and a cuzin if you must say... being plastic sometimes is good...hehehe